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TRIP 2005

Update #02 - January 21st
Americus, Georgia - 613 miles (981 KM)



It's hard for me to fathom that in a little over three weeks, I'll be passing the twelve year mark since this adventure started in 1993. I cannot believe it.

As the year's go by, I wonder if it has been worth it. Have I really been making a difference? I wonder if maybe the spark has gone out. There have been a lot of questions floating in my mind. A lot of times even keeping this website up has been a question. One of out every five visitors to the website go beyond the first three pages of the website and get to the "Site Index" page. I do not seem to get very many returnees to the website. Feedback is very minimal. I can see this from the small amount of messages left in the "Guest Book". I was hoping that this website would give me more leads to places to speak at but I've not got many invites through the website.

Is it worth it for me to even post these updates? I really don't know if anybody else is reading them. One out of every fifteen visitors to the website take the time to visit the "Journey" section to read about my travels. Maybe the reason why I post these updates is a way for me to keep my sanity sometimes. I have to admit that I've been dealing with a little bit of depression.

People have been putting thoughts in my head on whether it is time for me to pack it all up and get back to a so-called "normal" life. I'll be 49 in a little over five months. I'm not too sure how long my body will take all of the abuse from the road. The old knee joints have been complaining a little bit. How many more miles can I get out of my current bicycle? The problem is where would I go to and what I'll do. I've been out of the "job market" for almost twelve years. I don't know anybody really in this country who will allow me to stay with them for a while so that I could establish something else. Before 2001, it would probably have happened but I don't think so now.

For several years, I've been carrying a t-shirt from a non-denominational church in Oakwood, IL. On the front is one verse from Book of Jeremiah (verse 29:11)

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the L-RD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I've been wondering about this. What is the real plan for my life? Why do I feel right now that I'm just spinning my wheels? I wish that the L-RD would clue me in a little bit on what HE wants me to do now. I haven't heard that small voice inside to give me directions in a while. In the John Wesley Covenant prayer, there is a line that says "let me be employed by thee or laid aside". Why does it feel sometime that I'm being laid aside right now? Where is the so-called "exit strategy" for me to end this adventure? I've been sacrificing a lot to keep on doing what I think that the L-RD wants me to do.

I guess all this is coming from all of the frustration that I had last year with all of the broken promises. What got to me is that I had a lot of promised help from ministers last year but there was very little follow-through. I got my hopes up quite a lot last year and a lot of times they were dashed. It always gets to me that I have to go out of my way to prove to people that I am not a transient, or that I don't have a police record, or I am not out to take advantage of them but nobody really has to prove themselves to me. I have to take everybody else on face value and first impressions.

The Bible does say that we have to be in the world but not be a part of it. We have to be just "sojourners" on this planet. I got confirmation of this after hearing the Sunday night service at a Baptist Church in NE Georgia several months ago. Our home should be in Heaven and not be on this world. I guess that I'll have to stick it out for a while more.

I'm not really looking forward to it but in a couple of more days I'll be getting back on the road again. After some research on the internet, I came across a religious organization in Central Mississippi that has a volunteer program. This might be a place of respite even for a short time and maybe a place where I can find some new directions. It will take me about a week to ride there. What I do wish now is for some prayers.

I'll try and post and update as often as I can if my plans change.




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